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Week 7 -- 02/18/2019 -- 02/22/2019

Good Morning West Community,

Monday -- We did not have class in observance of President's Day. 

Tuesday/Wednesday, we were able to start the lesson on Dating Abuse since I was not able to cover it during Valentine's Day due to the strike. The reasoning behind facilitating a discussion on Dating Abuse during Valentine's Day is simply because there are countless relationships that are in many ways, very toxic, abusive, possessive, and overall very negative that hide under the covers of "this is the way a relationship works" which is completely inaccurate.

There is no doubt in my mind that some of my students have experienced some type of dating abuse, directly or indirectly. Many of my students were very open to talking and describing some of their own personal experiences with dating abuse, which is always appreciated. I provided several examples of what dating abuse looks like, via a video that was made by El Paso County Officials. The video description is as follows:

      A new initiative introduced by El Paso County officials aimed at reducing domestic violence and teen dating violence. The film depicts the fictional story of teenager Natalie Rivera, who becomes a victim of dating violence. In the 16-minute movie geared toward teens, Natalie suffers the cycle of physical and emotional abuse by her boyfriend Alex. (https://vimeo.com/19060127)


The overall reaction of the students was as expected, as the boyfriend Alex becomes very possessive and hurtful with Natalie, and at one point does become very physical. The discussion then turned into asking the class what they would do if someone in their own sphere of influence was in the same situation Natalie was in. Some of my students were very, very outspoken as to what they would do to anyone who treated their significant other as Alex did, some more aggressive than others. Some, however, did comment further by saying they would stay out of the conversation all together. I had several students who did share stories of themselves advocating for their friends to remove themselves from these negative relationships, however, many of their friends decided not to take their advice. Unfortunately, some of my students did say they have lost several relationships to friends who are in some form of negative dating relationship. 

The way that I was able to provide some guidance and resources to our students is by talking to them about the cycle of abuse that many relationships encounter. The cycle comes in 4 stages, as described below: 



It is very important for our students to understand that there is nothing normal about being in an abusive relationship. The 4 stages of this cycle revolve around one partner deflecting responsibility for their actions. In the movie, Alex would always act in a very negative way but never took accountability for his actions. Rather, he would blame Natalie for his tempter tantrums -- at which point he would buy her flowers and believe all is forgiven. 

Breaking the cycle is very important, and I do believe my students understood that it is never appropriate to have an abusive relationship with anyone, whatsoever. Knowing their worth is the first step to avoid these relationships, and YESS has the resources and guidance to have these conversations with our students.

Thursday & Friday I provided my students with some resources that they can use to identify an abusive relationship. There are many signs that one must be aware of if they are in an abusive relationship. The ten signs, provided by OneLove (https://www.joinonelove.org) provide in detail 10 signs of an unhealthy relationship. 

1. Intensity -- Having really extreme feelings or over-the-top behavior that feels like too much
2. Jealousy -- An emotion that everyone experiences, jealousy becomes unhealthy when someone lashes out or tries to control you because of it. 
3. Manipulation -- When a partner tries to influence your decisions, actions or emotions.
4. Isolation -- Keeping you away from friends, family, or other people.
5. Sabotage -- Purposely ruining your reputation, achievements or success. 
6. Belittling -- Making you feel bad about yourself.
7. Guilting -- Making you feel guilty or responsible for your partner’s actions.
8. Volatility -- Unpredictable overreactions that make you feel like you need to walk on eggshells around them or do things to keep them from lashing out.
9. Deflecting Responsibility -- Making excuses for their behavior. Examples can be blaming you,
10. Betrayal -- When your partner acts differently with you versus how they act when you’re not around. 

The goal is for our students to call out and stand up to any type of dating abuse that they may see around the school and in their lives. Among women, the goal is for them to look out for abusive men that may have very toxic, masculine qualities such as being aggressive, short-tempered, and verbally abusive towards them. Also, making sure they are looking out for other women who might be in these scenarios and are not sure who to turn to. 

The goal among men is to have these conversations as to what it means to be man -- not necessarily what qualities "Men" have to have. Rather, the conversation should be about how "machismo" and toxic masculine behaviors have ultimately had men feel entitled about how they act with women, and how they are treating them as well. I encouraged all of my young males to stand up to some of the people within their own spheres of influence that do display these behaviors, but not only that, to provide information and insight as to how their abusive habits are hurting others.  

Being a former West Cowboy, I see the value of spaces such as the one YESS provides for the school. Some of the discussions and dialogue that I hear coming from student's has been an incredible way for me to measure the impact this organization is having on this community, but more importantly, the passion I see coming from the students that do have something to say is what I believe the true goal to be.

Happy reading, y'all.

Cowboys, out.







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